Today is Matt-Matt's birthday. He's the big one-three. 13. So we ate out in his honor.
Of course, Jamesie started out with dessert.
This is what I figured about kids and nutrition. If you want them to eat the entre first, then hide the cookies for afterwards.
This is James's nephew, Shea. We refer to our blood relations according to generation. Let me explain, and pay very close attention because there will be a pop quiz on it later.
Cousin Ain is James's momma.
Cousin Ain is also Mayet's aunt.
Mayet is Shea's momma.
Therefore, James and Mayet are cousins.
Therefore, James is Shea's uncle.
We're weird that way. Why do you think this blog is called My CRAZY Relatives?
And there'e the birthday boy, the honorable Matt-Matt, on his big one-three day.
Matt-Matt, why so glum?
You should be so excited that you are now a TEENager, which means you are officially entitled to be of the opinion that you know better than your geriatric aunt - that would be yours truly, Netty - that you're too cool to hang with said aunt, and that the mall is the new playground.
Look at the poor teenager. He just wants to get out of the car full of geriatric ladies and unopinionated toddlers.
Oh, wait a minute, it just dawned on me. He IS being a teenager! Way to go Matt-Matt. Happy Birthday!
(That said, we dropped Matt-Matt off at school, where he'd rather be on his big one-three day.)
In the meantime, the toddlers fell asleep.
Shhh, listen. What do you hear? Peace and Quiet.
Ahhhh, relish the sweet hour because once the little ones wake up, it will be a whirlwind again.
Hush, little baby, don't say a word.
Papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird
And if that mockingbird won't sing,
Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring
And if that diamond ring turns brass,
Papa's gonna buy you a looking glass
And if that looking glass gets broke,
Papa's gonna buy you a billy goat
And if that billy goat won't pull,
Papa's gonna buy you a cart and bull
And if that cart and bull turn over,
Papa's gonna buy you a dog named Rover
And if that dog named Rover won't bark
Papa's gonna buy you a horse and cart
And if that horse and cart fall down,
You'll still be the sweetest little baby in town.
Uh-oh, Jamesie stirs...
Rockaby baby on the treetop...
Good morning Shea-Shea sunshine
How did you awake so soon?
You scared away the antsies
And shied away the moon.
Wah, tah, tee, fooh, fy... (Translation: one, two, three, four, five...)
Too many boats in the marina to count!
Brace yourself Cousin Ain, the boys are wide awake now.
Awww, Shea-Shea doesn't like the cart?
Expounding on kids and nutrition: if you want a kid to eat something, tell them NOT to eat it!
Case in point, James found a pine cone on the ground. Cousin Ain told him "James, don't eat it, it's dirty."
So what does James do?
Of course, he ATE it!
That's it! Cousin Ain has had enough of the whirlwind. It's bad enough the Puget Sound breeze is messing up her hair.
"We're going home now!"
"Hmmm, can I eat this piece of paper? Ugh, these baby seat straps are annoying, I'm taking them off. Momma can't do anything about it, she can't reach me from the driver's seat..."
So, which is easier to deal with, a toddler or a teenager?
"I don't wanna grow up!"
Amen.
